Friday, July 27, 2007


Adapting the lesson

There's a new sheriff in town. On the occasions she shows up at my school she always acts like she's hot shit and talks like she's giving out advice/wisdom every time she's asked a simple question.

Power corrupts. Laughable power corrupts laughably.

Let's call her Tanuki: it's a decent phonetic resemblance to the code name that The Man In The High Castle and myself had already settled on for her, plus it takes into account her rotundity and hairy face.

The topic under discussion is how to adapt the example language from lesson D35: planning activities for visitors. I consider the example "They might like to eat out, so why don't we take them for Chinese?" or similar, then give it a Dan spin.

DAN: They might like to eat out... so let's take them to a brothel.

Everyone has a good laugh at this, including Tanuki. She can't, however, refrain from trying to give me a bit of her "I'm in charge here" attitude.

SHE: Do you think you could rephrase that, Dan?

ME: Hmmm... They might like to eat out... so let's take them to a whorehouse.

A definite warning light in her face

ME: Wait, I see where this is going: the more I rephrase myself, the deeper trouble I'm going to be in, right?

SHE: Last chance, Dan.

ME: They might like to eat the hookers out...

Staff comes in to tell the Tanuki that some other loser is actually waiting on the phone for her benevolent wisdom. She leaves the room. Dan collects high fives from all present. The bell rings and Dan's career stumbles exhaustedly back to its corner, content to wait for the seemingly-inevitable knockout to come in the next round.

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Monday, July 16, 2007


Evidently a quick learner


I've corrupted the baby! Check it out... folks...

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A pleasure shared

(His brother has just married, making an honest woman of his girlfriend of about 10 minutes 33 seconds.)

ME: So, have any of your other siblings produced?

HE: Well, Sister A is gay, Sister B doesn't like children...

ME: So, the short answer is "No"?

HE: Yes: no.

ME: So we've both just become uncles for the first time, right?

HE: (enthused) Yep!

ME: Well, my niece would kick the f--- out of your niece: she'd break her baby bottle on the table and stab your niece with it.

HE: Er...


It's lucky he only has to see me once a year.

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Sunday, July 15, 2007


Worldnet 07 review

Worldnet, for those who don't know, is the annual football tournament for internet-based supporters groups that I've been attending every year since 1999 with SBA (Sky Blue Army) FC (link on the right-hand side.) From 2000 onwards, the tournament has been held at Leeds University's Bodington Hall. This year, there were 72 teams participating.

For the first time I was in the bizarre position of being the oldest guy in the squad with my 29 years of age. Whatever happened to that speedy 20-year old with the funny hair? Time flees...

Highlights of the weekend:

1. Stealing a refrigerator from the hall kitchen and setting it up in my room for the beer I'd brought with me.

2. Kieron Breen's injury. Apparently, he trod on a sea urchin a week or so ago.

3. Kieron's roommate Ady. Unable to play due to recent leg surgery, Ady cracked open his first beer at 0830 on Saturday (this after having been up late drinking in the McKeown bedroom bar the previous night.) He continued to drink throughout the day, throughout the night and woke me up at 0300 hours Sunday, hammering on the door next to my own, screaming "let me in Breen, you ****ing diabetic ****!" at the top of his lungs. Apparently, Breen had locked himself in the room to eat his chicken and chips without having them stolen, had passed out, and was dead to the world. This meant that the impressively-drunken-but-somehow-vertical Ady was locked out and not best pleased. When I opened my bedroom door at 0715, Ady was lying face down in the corridor, having apparently given up on his attempts to wake Breen the urchin-stomping fool. What a trooper.

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007


Viewing for the 1400s

For comrades awaiting Friday 13th with hopeful hearts and empty wallets, a few video gems to pass the time: A couple from Chris Morris's Jam tv series, a couple of musical masterpieces, and Ama doing what Ama does best. Enjoy!

From "Jam" (the beginning's supposed to be jerky, fear ye not.)

Mogwai- Friend of the night

Blackalicious- Alphabet aerobics

Ama showing that persistence pays off

From "Jam" again


Tuesday, July 10, 2007


Next generation

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Monday, July 09, 2007


Lucky Se7en the second

Saturday also gave me my first chance to meet face-to-face with Kate's baby, Kianna. Took a bunch of photos, but this one's definitely the best (darkest).

Told Joe that if he ever brings out an album, this has to be the cover photo. And the album's title has to be "My lucky day."

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Sunday, July 08, 2007


Lucky Se7en

Congratulations to Brendan and Milly, married on 7/7/07. Best wishes for a happy future.

A real lucky seven as it turned out: the first day the weather's behaved itself this year.

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Friday, July 06, 2007


Independence Day T-shirts!

Adam was kind enough to invite Wes and me to his Independence Day barbecue, despite our being Canadian and British respectively.

We felt we ought to do something to extend the olive branch...


Tuesday, July 03, 2007


Sports psychology

I was up in front of the students last week, armed with nothing better than a copy of the Japan Times. Amongst the myriad of stories guaranteed not to spark interest amongst those assembled was the report of the Japanese rugby team's 51-3 rout at the hands of the Junior All Blacks in the Pacific Nations Cup.

I pointed out that if your rugby team's nickname is "The Brave Blossoms" (which it is, heaven help them), you're unlikely to strike fear into the hearts of your opposition.

Whilst the students were digesting this, I came up with a similar example.

ME: Two years ago, Gamba and Cerezo Osaka were vying for the J-League title. Now, Gamba are still at it, but Cerezo have sunk without a trace. Why do you suppose this is?

Wait all of 0.39 seconds for an answer

ME: ...Because they wear pink! That's why.

Students look dubious


The mighty Real Osaka (my team) have enjoyed a pretty good rate of success over the last few years. Coincidentally or otherwise, we wear black and we look really scary.

Further good omens for the future arrived the other day when our full back, Bailey, announced that he'd been playing futsal with our erstwhile rivals, the Osaka Jets. Apparently, they're gearing up to get a pink strip of their own.

"They're all like, yeah, this is great, we'll really stand out! And I'm like, yeah lads, if you want to look like Juventus third team at a gay club."

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Bad medicine

who's taking these?

Found this mysterious medication sitting on the desk at work. No one answered when I asked who'd been taking twat tablets. What's more, they've sat there untouched ever since.

I guess the side effects are probably no laughing matter. Whoever it is is keeping the now-legendary low profile.



The Day Today - September 11th


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