Friday, July 29, 2011


The wire

"You can follow them home and go through their bins or take photos of them at Tesco's when they're doing their week's shopping. You can bribe them into saying something stupid then splash it over the front page or you can conspire to abduct their children or you can drive them into a brick wall at a hundred miles an hour.

But you can't tap their phones. That's going too far."

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Monday, July 04, 2011


Variety is...

Announcer: You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic, or contains some kind of monster... The second one. Prepare to enter the Scary Door.

Scene: An elderly man wearing a green visor exits 3-Eyed Jack's Casino.

Please send the man 'round back and pick up Clyde Smith. A professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

While crossing the street, Clyde is hit by a car.
He wakes up in front of a slot machine. He pulls the lever and it comes up with three Bars.

Clyde: A casino where I'm winning? That car must've killed me; I must be in heaven!

He pulls the lever again, three Bars come up again.

Clyde: A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... In hell!

Enter man.

Sebastian Cabot:
No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell. You're on an airplane!

Man opens curtain, revealing airplane windows. Clyde looks out the window and sees a gremlin on the wing, tearing out the wiring.

Clyde: There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me!

Sebastian Cabot: Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!

Man holds up a mirror, revealing that Clyde's reflection is that of Adolf Hitler.

Clyde: No!

Clyde is transformed into Hitler. He turns to the person next to him.

Eva Braun, help me!

Eva Braun pulls off her face to reveal that she's actually a giant fly. Clyde screams.
Cut to Bender, watching this on TV

Bender: (Unimpressed) Saw it coming.

From Futurama: I dated a Robot
pillaged primarily from


Once upon a time, 'Old Spice' was also an uncharitable epithet for Geri Halliwell.

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