Saturday, November 28, 2009
Way to go, Bruce
It turns out that Australia has a huge feral camel population, possibly numbering up to a million.
According to the article I read in yesterday's Grauniad, the camels were imported and used to explore less hospitable parts of the country.
After they had served their turn, they were turned loose in the desert, their callous handlers figuring they'd die.
In the desert.
I find myself wondering if the Aussies imported sharks as pets, realised they weren't any good and hit upon the solution of drowning them.
According to the article I read in yesterday's Grauniad, the camels were imported and used to explore less hospitable parts of the country.
After they had served their turn, they were turned loose in the desert, their callous handlers figuring they'd die.
In the desert.
I find myself wondering if the Aussies imported sharks as pets, realised they weren't any good and hit upon the solution of drowning them.
Labels: DULLARDS, NATURE, NEWS
Covering
Have you done something to my Facebook status? she demands.
I give her the ice grill. I am, it is true, sitting at the computer she has just vacated. It is also true that she left herself logged in to Facebook. However, I do have some standards.
Do you remember the other day, I reply with some asperity, and I said dicking around with people's passworded computer stuff was no better than rifling their wallet and taking their credit cards?
Yes, she replies, and I remember you then saying you'd do it in a hot second.
My argument is evidently flawed.
Her status, incidentally, reads: Nikki Culley is a buffoon.
I give her the ice grill. I am, it is true, sitting at the computer she has just vacated. It is also true that she left herself logged in to Facebook. However, I do have some standards.
Do you remember the other day, I reply with some asperity, and I said dicking around with people's passworded computer stuff was no better than rifling their wallet and taking their credit cards?
Yes, she replies, and I remember you then saying you'd do it in a hot second.
My argument is evidently flawed.
Her status, incidentally, reads: Nikki Culley is a buffoon.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Weeknight drinking games
I managed to keep myself relatively straight by dint of:
- Having hearty seconds of dinner
- Being the sole arbitrator of the games
Labels: MISDEEDS, SELF IMPROVEMENT
Friday, November 20, 2009
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king
Despite a very mediocre performance on my mock exams, my peers' confidence in my knowledge remained undented and people were collaring me all week for study tips.
It's not hard to see why when you consider my ingenious VEG ROAST method of memorising sexual offences:
Voyeurism
Exposure
Grooming
Rape
Other sexual offences, involving a child
Assault by penetration
Sexual assault
Trafficking
People were saying in the pub after the media law exam how useful it had been. The only person who bought me a drink, though, was Ben Baker, and that was only because he'd knocked mine on the floor.
It's not hard to see why when you consider my ingenious VEG ROAST method of memorising sexual offences:
Voyeurism
Exposure
Grooming
Rape
Other sexual offences, involving a child
Assault by penetration
Sexual assault
Trafficking
People were saying in the pub after the media law exam how useful it had been. The only person who bought me a drink, though, was Ben Baker, and that was only because he'd knocked mine on the floor.
Labels: COMRADES, SELF IMPROVEMENT, WORDS
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The hole
I didn't even know my new place had a basement until Pete mentioned it.
The lights are out, as are a couple of stairs.
Then there are the eerie faces on the wall, feebly illuminated by my phone light. (Recommend skipping 40 seconds or so of the video and using full screen.)
I think I might take to leaving something heavy on top of the trapdoor when I go to bed.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Staba
Attention Starbucks:
No, I don't want 'anything else' - I would've ordered it in the first place, you smug gits.
No, I don't want 'anything else' - I would've ordered it in the first place, you smug gits.
Labels: EVIL
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Words of wisdom: there is no banana bread
Woke up this morning to find, uncharacteristically, a text message from the dad.
Perhaps some words of encouragement ahead of my newswriting mock exam?
Hello dan joe tells me he's had banana bread it's not true don't believe his lies he is a twat. Love to you.
Perhaps not.
Perhaps some words of encouragement ahead of my newswriting mock exam?
Hello dan joe tells me he's had banana bread it's not true don't believe his lies he is a twat. Love to you.
Perhaps not.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Up, up and away
It probably is best not to fiddle with switches or controls when riding in the back seat of an air force plane.
A man who failed to obey that principle found himself hurtling out of the cockpit, smashing through the Perspex canopy and into space after grabbing the black- and yellow-striped handle between his legs. He had inadvertently pulled the eject lever and found himself blasted 100 metres into the sky on his rocket-powered seat.
Man accidentally ejects himself from plane
The Grauniad Monday 2 November 2009
A man who failed to obey that principle found himself hurtling out of the cockpit, smashing through the Perspex canopy and into space after grabbing the black- and yellow-striped handle between his legs. He had inadvertently pulled the eject lever and found himself blasted 100 metres into the sky on his rocket-powered seat.
Man accidentally ejects himself from plane
The Grauniad Monday 2 November 2009
