Friday, April 24, 2009


Corvine franchise

Being stuck for stuff with which to drown out the ticking of the clock, I decided to watch the third and fourth Crow films.

I'm very fond of the original The Crow: it helped me write an essay on Hamlet when I was suffering from a nasty bout of scholar's block at university. Neither am I immune to the macabre twist that Brandon Lee died during the filming-- that always blows my mind.

It's amazing that they were able to finish the film and to do it so well- no matter how many times I watch it, I've never been able to see the strings.

Aha, ahem.

The second film, City of Angels, was, by contrast, unmitigated crap. I was therefore less than hopeful for installments III and IV.

First, I had to choose which one to watch first. Dan logic dictated to me that I should save whichever one was likely to be less awful for dessert. I checked the cast of each for helpful hints.

Part III has Kirsten Dunst. Damn. On the other hand, it does have that redneck cop out of The Shield. We'll call that even.

Part IV has... Edward Furlong. I think we have a winner.

I stuck on IV and it was consummately bad. Edward Furlong versus the four horsemen of the apocalypse, incarnate in the form of a quartet of failed actors. Straight to DVD? Straight to Channel 5, I reckon. Additional marks deducted for hokey attempt at Native American spirituality.

Having passed this stool, I was confident that III couldn't be as bad. The main character had shorter hair than usual, had been executed for murdering his girlfriend (which, of course, he hadn't) and busted out quite a few lines that wouldn't have been out of place in the original. It started brightly, got a bit silly, admittedly, and then the bad guys kidnapped Kirsten Dunst and sewed her damn mouth shut.

I was a huge fan of this- I mean, it would have been so much more trouble to have whacked a bit of duct tape over her mouth, right?

Even as I type, I have a hazy, guilty memory of telling a student long ago that the "duct" in "duct tape" is derived from the word "abduction."


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