Friday, October 10, 2008


Less-than-real ale

Back in the day- and I mean way back in the day- I was talking with Mike about making a computer program to attach to this blog. Real simple thing: it would just be a random word generator, designed to spew out noun-dressed-up-as-verb + " of the " + noun, and it would be dubbed "the Star Wars title tomfooleriser."

I had this idea around the time that Revenge of the Sith was released. It might even have brought this blog more widespread popularity. The main drawback was that I couldn't be bothered to do it.

I came up with something similar last night: it was Joe's round and he asked the dad and me what we fancied.

ME: Can I have a pint of the Old Stoat Throttler, please?

Joe laughed, knowing full well what fun I'd had the previous week, making up the title of a beer, then watching one of his coworkers behind the bar go earnestly off in search of it. On this occasion, Joe had finished work, but he still told me to shut up.

The idea I had was this. Old + Noun + Verber = a plausible name for an ale.

Some of the fictitious ales I came up with: Old Pigeon Fancier, Old Church Vandaliser, Old Clown Puncher, Old Draft Avoider (this last one: when the barmaid looks confused, tell them it's in a bottle.)

Old Window Cleaner: this one takes longer to pour and you generally have to ask them to top it up, what with it being stored in those spray bottles.

There were darker ones, too:

ME (to Joe): Can I have a pint of the Old Holocaust Denier, please?

We both giggle guiltily.


At the bar

ME: Can I have a pint of the Old Wife Beater, please?

BARWENCH (thinking herself equal to my mischief): We haven't any.

ME (feigning confusion): You've no Stella?!


Disclaimer: beer tastes good

Labels: ,

There's always 'Old Fart' which actually exists and I think is brewed by Cropton Brewery.

Thanks for the link btw
You also forgot The Old Kiddy Fiddler - and I believe that might be gamne set and match on the bad taste front.
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