Thursday, August 14, 2008



Every now and then, there is the unfortunate necessity of doing a lesson on Social Ills. This is a great deal less fun than teaching elderly women not to count cheese. However, recently I came up with the answer to all of Japan's problems.


There- I said it: Catholicism.

My student looked mystified as well.


What- you want me to explain? OK...


Big problem #1: Japanese people tend to commit suicide more than people from most other countries, whether it be samurai honourably disembowelling themselves, salarymen belly-flopping onto train lines or government ministers taking "the gentleman's way out" (making sure to leave behind a note implicating their wives.)

Catholic view of suicide: go straight to hell and burn, you worthless sinner. Burn from the balls up whilst Satan and his hellish minions take turns puncturing your eyeballs with their naughty parts.

It might even prove a more effective deterrent than JR billing the families for delayed trains.


Big problem #2:
declining birthrate.

Catholic view of contraception:
burn, burn in a pool of magma, whilst Beelzebub empties his bladder over your hapless forehead, you selfish hound.


My student now looked not only mystified, but also a little panicky. I may have my first convert.

Disclaimer: the author of this post is not a Catholic.

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