Saturday, August 06, 2011


Dear Dan...

Dear Dan,

I play for a football team with a really stupid serious name, a stupid serious black kit and all of our players take the game really, really seriously.

Some of the teams we play against have started to accuse us of being too serious, but I think we're not too serious enough. Can you offer any advice?

Seriously Confused,
Real Osaka FC

Dan says:

If you want to make a difference to how the team is perceived, I recommend the following:

1. Start up the blog again, make sure the URL is on the ALT tournament site and be sure always to say diplomatic things about the oppo (we played a great bunch of lads from Kochi, with a vociferous and not-at-all haggard cheerleading squad. We edged a close encounter 55-0).
And disable comments in order to stop anyone from ruining the feelgood vibe.

2. Take along Osaka o-miyage to present to opposing teams prior to group games. Seriously, a few handfuls of dried squid wouldn't cost the earth and make a favourable impression.

3. Change the team name - it worked for Nova!

Here are some suggestions:

Cuddly Osaka
Osaka Pet Rescue
Blackcurrant Osaka (everyone loves blackcurrants)

Alternatively, change the team name to Osaka Jets, get a new pink kit and tell everyone to boot shit out of the opposition and whinge as much as they want.

Disclaimer: The 'Dear Dan' advice column should not be relied upon as a solution to life's woes. Dan's response copied and pasted from Facebook email. Tricky may have phrased his conundrum rather differently.


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