Thursday, August 19, 2010


The Girl with the Relative Clause: Stieg Larsson outtakes

...And back to the usual flippancy here on Trashed Elbow.

Every time I go in a bookshop these days, I find myself irritated by the Stieg Larsson novels. I should be clear that I haven't read any of them - my dad read one once and told me it was naff; that was good enough for me.

What irritates me is the off-the-shelf, formulaic titles: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets' Nest.

It did give me pause to wonder: which potential titles did he consider before discarding? Which ones didn't make the final cut?

Here are some of my ideas:

  • The Girl with the Pencil Moustache

  • The Girl Who Talked to Strangers

  • The Girl Who Ran with Scissors

  • The Girl Who Shared Needles

  • The Girl with the Adam's Apple

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The girl with the massive cock.
The girl with the shit book.
The girl with the tattoo scars.
The girl with the WHsmith Voucher ("No, we can't give you change."
The girl with the overbite.
The girl with the green wart.
The girl with the third nipple.
The girl with the foldable bike.
The girl with the bald spot.
The girl with the other girl.
The girl with the womb belly
The girl who got another tattoo
The girl with the tricorn hat
The girl with the overactive thyroid
The girl with the backbench MP
William Leigh the girl with the housemaids knee
Thursday at 6:17pm

Shaun Hunt The Girl With The Selective Memory
Thursday at 6:48pm

Genevieve Ann Holmes The girl who was over 18 so was actually a woman. The woman who can now come down off her soapbox?
Thursday at 7:50pm

Wes Armstrong The Girl With the Out-of-Sync Dubbing. The Girl With the Mac that hacks Journalists.
Thursday at 11:25pm

Genevieve Ann Holmes As he's obviously related to Gary Larson - The Girl with the Horn Rimmed Glasses
Friday at 1:56am

William Leigh the girl with the flatulent cat
Friday at 3:08pm

William Leigh the girl with the awful prose, the girl with the unsatisfying ending, the girl who should, in all honesty, get over it.
Friday at 3:09pm

Daniel McKeown The girl with the unsatisfying ending? I'm sure we've all known a few of those, Will. Try The Girl with the Hotter Sister.
Friday at 3:52pm

William Leigh the girl who's mate you were trying to chat up but she wasn't having any of it
Friday at 4:50pm
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