Sunday, March 28, 2010


Attack of the killer tomatoes

Sainsbury's Basics tomatoes often come in warped cans, making them a bit of a pain in the neck to open. I had one particularly recalcitrant example of such a can today, which remained jammed shut even after I'd finally made it all the way round the rim with the can opener.

I was successful in levering it open, but the vibrant twang of the lid springing free was somewhat muffled by the fleshy squelch of it embedding itself in the middle finger and palm of my left hand (putting the cut in subcutaneous, as it were).

I asked Sam to buy me some plasters from the shop next door and drain the pasta, while I bled copiously into the sink.

Sadly, the plasters proved about as effective as a puncture repair kit aboard the Titanic, so I ate my pasta in tomato sauce (with traces of Dan) then wandered off to A&E on Euston Road.

"Tomatoes do come in boxes these days you know," said the nurse as she strove to glue my finger back together.

Next week: Dan slices his own head off while trying to assemble a sandwich from pre-sliced ingredients.

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