Thursday, January 14, 2010


Adventures in democracy, part one

I had an epiphany on the train today: rather than just voting in this year's general election and bewailing the paucity of choice, why not go the whole hog and run for Coventry South?

Of course, there are practicalities to be considered if I am to make my dream reality, so I need to come up with a brand, then work on getting funding for my campaign.

So, here's my first idea for my fledgling movement:

The Tyrant Party - Leading from the front

Pledges: to disenfranchise the entire electorate (most of whom won't notice), then get on with the serious business of leading the country without cynically pandering to the voters by not locking them up and shooting their dog.

Policy Areas

Europe: Pursuing the vision of a united Europe, under the iron heel of my jackboot

Education: Largely vocational, involving coal mines and steel mills

Iraq: Ballache - sack it off

I'll also be bringing closure to the MPs' expenses scandal by disbanding the House of Commons and packing members off to a retirement camp in Siberia.

This year, vote for a stark, unflinching dose of tyranny - vote tyrant!


Of course, as I am, by definition, a one-person party, it will be very difficult indeed for me to win the overall Commons majority needed to form a government and bring my sweeping changes into effect.


If James Bond movies have taught us anything it's where there's a Tyrant there's an army of willing henchmen. As your plan for domination seems flawless and success is inevitable. Let me be the first rat to jump off the sinking ship of British democracy and, in the interest of saving my own cowardly skin, become a soldier in your revolutionary army.
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