Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Catching up on five years worth
One of my reasons for coming back to England was to spend a bit more time with the grandad. He must be thanking his lucky stars.
1. I drove him to hospital for a routine hearing aid check. Told him all the way there that the nurse was going to inject hot resin into his ear canal, which was by no means likely to be the case.
2. On the way home, he asked if I would be "missing anyone particularly this Christmas," whereupon I told him I was gay, drawing a brief bark of laughter from the mum in the back seat.
3. I keep asking him if the shirt he's wearing is the one I got him for Christmas. I got him socks.
4. I connived my way into possession of his car.
***
This last is not really true: the mum phoned up the cheapo insurance company to renew his policy and got a bit of a shock.
"I love this company," she said to me, waiting for someone to pick up the phone at the other end. "They're ever so cheap. Hello? Yes, I'd like to renew the policy for Maurice Court, please. How much?! Well, yes, I realise he's ninety now, but it didn't cost that much last year, and he was legally blind..."
So I became legal guardian of the red Rover.
***
I got a bit of a shock when I went to see him today: I thought he'd been beaten up or had a fall.
Thankfully, what I had initially thought to be caked blood turned out to be chocolate.
1. I drove him to hospital for a routine hearing aid check. Told him all the way there that the nurse was going to inject hot resin into his ear canal, which was by no means likely to be the case.
2. On the way home, he asked if I would be "missing anyone particularly this Christmas," whereupon I told him I was gay, drawing a brief bark of laughter from the mum in the back seat.
3. I keep asking him if the shirt he's wearing is the one I got him for Christmas. I got him socks.
4. I connived my way into possession of his car.
***
This last is not really true: the mum phoned up the cheapo insurance company to renew his policy and got a bit of a shock.
"I love this company," she said to me, waiting for someone to pick up the phone at the other end. "They're ever so cheap. Hello? Yes, I'd like to renew the policy for Maurice Court, please. How much?! Well, yes, I realise he's ninety now, but it didn't cost that much last year, and he was legally blind..."
So I became legal guardian of the red Rover.
***
I got a bit of a shock when I went to see him today: I thought he'd been beaten up or had a fall.
Thankfully, what I had initially thought to be caked blood turned out to be chocolate.
