Sunday, November 23, 2008


Trawling through the dregs of the past

TIM (lit): Would you rather have continuous diarrhoea, or be vomiting uncontrollably?

Brief pause

DAN: Can I have both?

TIM: You're wrong.


There's often a bit in films where someone says Dark forces are aligning; I knew that was exactly what was happening when I woke up at 6 am. What's worse, it was happening in my midriff.

Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble. Greebo didn't improve matters by choosing that moment to jump onto my stomach. Now I was definitely feeling nauseous.

I propped myself up on the end of the bed and tried to calm down. On the landing, I heard footsteps, the distinct sound of a toilet seat being thrown back, followed by the sound of various things being thrown up.

Evidently, whatever my affliction, Joe had copped a dose too.

After several minutes of heated discussion with the goldfishes of christmas past, Joe wandered downstairs. I went down to check up on him and report my own condition; he advised me to jump before I was pushed.

Into the back toilet I went and embarked on the Kate Moss diet.

Stimpy regarded my efforts quizzically from her adjacent litter tray. I apologised as best I could, whilst eating in reverse.

As I wandered out of the toilet, Stimpy threw up enthusiastically next to her litter tray.

Perhaps she thought we were playing a game.


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