Tuesday, May 13, 2008


You are not a wrongdoer

After football in Ibaraki on Sunday night, a few of the Real players made the trip to Supporter's Field, a substandard football-themed bar in Umeda to watch the climax of the Premiership season.

Bailey arrived late at the bar, having come by bicycle; I handed him back his phone, which he'd left up at the football pitch by mistake. Much sniggering ensued. It didn't take Bailey too long to figure out what we'd done with the phone in his absence.

"What've you done? Oh God, you haven't gone and proposed to Yuko have you? You complete bastard."



Tricky, Brett and myself, sitting on the Hankyu train heading for Umeda. All a bit grubby after playing football, me clutching Bailey's forgotten phone. The idea hits me: why not pop the question to Bailey's missus?

Brett doesn't object until he realises that I'm actually serious about doing it, but his protests are silenced by me threatening to boot him in the throat. Tricky, despite being mature, married and responsible, is on my side; he knows good entertainment when he sees it.

With Brett trying intermittently to take the phone off me (interesting character, Brett: 70% genuine sweetheart, 30% prurient frat boy pest, this latter being the 30% of the time he's in his cups these days), I painstakingly typed out my first ever proposal of marriage:

Dear Yuko
I propose.
Yours sincerely,

Send, delete evidence from outbox, job well done. Only afterwards did I realise it would have been funnier to have typed:

Dear Yuko,
if United win the league tonight, I'm going to marry you.

It would have been entertaining to see Bailey, a confirmed Man U fan, cheering for Chelsea.

Fortunately for Bailey, Yuko didn't accept.


My phone buzzed this morning with the usual spam, offering to bolster my sexuality. Only interesting thing about this one was the title: you are not a wrongdoer.

Even taking into consideration that this was a randomly-generated e-mail, I thought it was pretty wide of the mark.

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