Thursday, June 21, 2007
Dealing with that Doris Day
The man in the high castle was waxing murderous about the girl in his local supermarket. Misanthrope that he is, he's not fond of people trying out their English on him when he's not on the clock. (For those of you back home, a lot of English teachers in Japan get this way after a while.)
Anywhoops, when comrade goes to pay, the girl in the supermarket will always ask him if he wants his parking validated. This not only stinks of smart-aleckry, but is made doubly fatuous, he claims, by the fact that she always sees him arrive on his beaten-up bike.
Therefore, readers, let's have some suggestions for suitably caustic responses that'll put the fun back in grocery shopping for homeboy, and put Doris Day in her place.
Here's mine:
SHE: Would you like to have your parking validated?
HE: No, I'd like to have my visa revoked.
SHE: ?
***
Wes's suggestion!
SHE: Would you like to have your parking validated?
HE: No, I"d like to have my groceries bagged.
Anywhoops, when comrade goes to pay, the girl in the supermarket will always ask him if he wants his parking validated. This not only stinks of smart-aleckry, but is made doubly fatuous, he claims, by the fact that she always sees him arrive on his beaten-up bike.
Therefore, readers, let's have some suggestions for suitably caustic responses that'll put the fun back in grocery shopping for homeboy, and put Doris Day in her place.
Here's mine:
SHE: Would you like to have your parking validated?
HE: No, I'd like to have my visa revoked.
SHE: ?
***
Wes's suggestion!
SHE: Would you like to have your parking validated?
HE: No, I"d like to have my groceries bagged.
Labels: AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION, COMRADES, DULLARDS
Comments:
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No, I'd like to have a car.
No, I'd like to have a GALLON of milk.
No, I'd like to have you fired.
No, I'd like this supermarket to have a proper deli.
No, I'd like to have a GALLON of milk.
No, I'd like to have you fired.
No, I'd like this supermarket to have a proper deli.
# posted by 
: 7:39 PM
: 7:39 PM
Sorry, I forgot my wallet at home. Then simply leave all the groceries at the register for her to clean up.
ooooooooooor
No habla ingles.
ooooooooooor
No habla ingles.
# posted by : 7:42 PM
: 7:42 PM
"Would you like to have you car parking validated?"
"Yes please."
Or alternatively.
"Could you give me time to think." Followed by the obligatory descending footsteps, car door, then driving off sound effects.
"Yes please."
Or alternatively.
"Could you give me time to think." Followed by the obligatory descending footsteps, car door, then driving off sound effects.
# posted by : 8:42 PM
: 8:42 PM
Provided by our Moscow correspondent (cheers Mince!)
Girl: Would you like your parking validated?
Dan: No love, just your existence.
Girl: Would you like your parking validated?
Dan: What's Japanese for 'bicycle'?
Girl: Would you like your parking validated?
Dan: No thanks. By the way, every time I come here I see the same bicycle outside and I don't think it has a valid parking ticket.
Girl: Would you like your parking validated?
Dan: I am the happy black man. (eyes lost, half closed) Burn them Mr. Daniel, burn them all.
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Girl: Would you like your parking validated?
Dan: No love, just your existence.
Girl: Would you like your parking validated?
Dan: What's Japanese for 'bicycle'?
Girl: Would you like your parking validated?
Dan: No thanks. By the way, every time I come here I see the same bicycle outside and I don't think it has a valid parking ticket.
Girl: Would you like your parking validated?
Dan: I am the happy black man. (eyes lost, half closed) Burn them Mr. Daniel, burn them all.
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