Sunday, August 20, 2006


I ratted on some mother, so sue me

Riding across Shinsaibashi Loft-mae odanhodo, the pedestrian crossing that sends Osaka's busiest shopping street across one of its busiest roads. Well past midnight. Oh heck, there's a guy lying in the road in nowt but a loud shirt and some conservative jockeys (conservative, apart from the fact that they're wrapped round his knees.)

I look around for a police officer. In one of Osaka's hot spots. On a Saturday night.


Passers by are doing sweet doodle, so I take the incentive and approach the drunkard.

ME: Oi, are you OK

HE: Nah...

ME: This is dangerous, why don't you move?

HE: Mwbrghhh...

ME: Righto...

Approach unhelpful passer by, who is making a pretty good fist of ignoring unsightly drunkard.

ME: 110 for Police, right?

HE: Er, yes.

ME: Thanks, you've been WELL helpful.

Scathing sarcasm is apparently lost on him. I speak to the police operator.

His questions:

Sorry, where?

Which country are you from?

I said: which country are you from?

You're a male, right?

Which goes to show that the forces of law and order in this country are missing the point at least 75% of the time.

That said, 45 seconds later, a paddy wagon rocks up.

ME: I don't know this bloke. Can I go home.

HE: Yep.

Thus was my good deed done. I retrieved a guy whose head and torso were sticking out into one of the busiest streets in Japan.

God, stick that on my tab will you.

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