Tuesday, September 20, 2005

 

Ferrari psycho

Finally, finally, I got a new phone. It's red with the Ferrari logo on it and it opens a shuts with a nice click, as opposed to the unseemly flopping about that my old knackered phone was doing.

check it out!

And within a few hours of getting this shiny new handset, I was thrown back into the world of stalkermail. I'd blocked her address on my old phone; I didn't mind the mails about broken glass and the like, it was when I received one that said "Hi Dan, how are you this evening?" that I flipped my lid and figured out how to block her address.

That kind of crap always winds me up. If you've got something to say, hit me up, but e-mail was not created for the exchange of luke-warm pleasantries at 5 yen a shot. Incidentally, it was after I received a similar text to the above that I made up my mind to dump one of my old girlfriends. True story.

Anyway, enough of my chivalrous past. The point is, my new phone is not immune to the stalker's psychotic tomfoolery; I still haven't found out how to block e-mail on my new phone, I've received a bunch of stalker mails over the past few days and a new era of being driven up the wall has dawned.

Comments:
"Dan, I rode a horse.
Dan, I bought a dog.
Dan I went to U.S.J.
Dan, can I call you?"

I feel your pain comrade. You need to find the BLOCK option pronto. It must exist or do Japanese dudes not get stalked? I'd just respond to her next mail with some imperative nihongo. YAMEROU HO!
 
Dan, give me her email address. I'll sort her out for you.

Job done.

Lewis.
 
Stalker or stalkee?
So, this hairy scary girl was tailing Mike around for a while. He claimed no interest in said individual, but I knew the truth.

"You'll fall in love with her, you puny weakling," I said.

"No way," he claimed.

And tonight I got a call from Mike while he was at Tom, Dick or Harry's sayonara party: it turns out that he tried to get his mojo on with the hairy scary one and she turned him down.

Mike sounded close to tears on the phone, the poor, pitiful, lovesick fool.

Disclaimer: This information is 900% accurate and cannot be gainsaid, even by Jesus Christ himself, swearing on a signed copy of Mellon Collie and the infinite sadness.
 
I forgot to say. Why the fuck have you got a ferrari phone? Get some style you ponce.

Lots of Love

Lewis.
 
You love the stalker drama.

LOVE IT.
 
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