Sunday, August 21, 2005


Give me your words

So, I woke today with a raging hangover and I wanted to read about Coventry's match on the official club page. I don't include a link here, because the official page is total rubbish and they've started enforcing registration if you want to read the match reports. I quote:

Click here to learn about the benefits
of becoming a registered fan.

I clicked and a totally blank window opened up. At least they're honest.

Well, I'm not what you'd ever call the most devout supporter, but I'm Coventry born and bred, not some glory boy from Buckinghamshire, so I decided to register. Cue lengthy questionnaire with all sorts of demeaning personal questions, such as "do you gamble over the internet?" Damn.

Having gone through this humiliating process only to be rewarded with the kind of quality web journalism that makes this page look like The Times, I decided that I would put my own readers through similar degradation. So here's my registration questionnaire. If you don't want to post your answers as a comment, you can always mail them to me in strictest confidence.

Whereupon I will post them as a comment.

Anyway, here's the questionnaire...

Boring bit

1. What's your name?

2. Do you have any prefered nickname? If so, what is it?

3. Did kids use to call you anything unnecessarily cruel/accurate at school? If so, share the wealth.

4. What's your star sign? (If it's Sagittarius, Pisces, Capricorn, Gemini or Scorpio, please bugger off.)

Interesting bit

5. Have you ever crashed a car? Detailed answer please.

6. Have you ever fantasised about anyone I know? If so, who? Go on, I won't tell...

7. Have you ever caught yourself laughing at a joke that makes fun of those different from or less lucky than yourself? If so, you do realise that this automatically makes you a bad person, don't you?

8. Please look at this random inkblot. What do you see?

a. a Cheetah
b. a sports car
c. a badly-drawn stickman trying to kill his unfaithful wife with a chainsaw

(If the answer is c. you have an eating disorder.)

Thank you for your time and candour.

1. No comment
2. VMM
3. Kike, Jew, Spic, P.R., Wetback, Murderer of Our Saviour
4. Taurus, bitch
5. Acme Supermarket Parking lot (without license and with moms in the passenger seat)
6. No comment
7. Of course.
8. D. a badly drawn stickman trying to kill a Kiwi with a Cactus.
Yes - Car park somewhere.

Can't remember the rest of the questions.

You are right the cov site is shite!
Your stars for today: Gemini

You are a stupid shitheaded weasel. The only reason that nobody has murdered you is because that would mean acknowledging that you even exist in the first place.

Thanks for taking the time to Give me your words.
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