Friday, June 03, 2005


Automobile achievements and survival Japanese

Singer Brian Harvey is in a critical condition in an east London hospital after he fell under the wheels of his own car, police have said.
Singer Harvey 'crushed under car'
BBC,Tuesday, 31 May, 2005

I've witnessed some heinous boy-band stupidity (think: Mark Owen's solo career), but managing to reverse a Mercedes over oneself is quite an impressive feat by anyone's standards. I hope he makes a full recovery and is a little more careful in future.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the globe...

An elderly Australian couple evaded police on a 1,400 mile journey by car and bus after setting off in protest when the wife was denied an extension of her driving license because of old age.
Elderly couple leads police on merry hunt
Reuters, Thu Jun 2, 2005

Heart-warming stuff, although I raised my eyebrows when I read that the octogenarian fugitives both suffered from "varying degrees of dementia." Probably time to hang up those car keys, Peter Pan.

On a completely unrelated note, I picked up a cheap-ass English phrasebook yesterday. If this seems like a bizarre thing for me to do, it's because I can read just about enough Japanese writing to make some sense of the phrases that are being translated. And I noticed this particularly rivetting exchange as one of the modelled conversations:

A: What are you doing here?
B: Shut up. Don't move!
A: What do you want?
B: Give me all the money you have.

So, if you want some useful Japanese phrases for the streets of Neyagawa, here they are, rendered into my best romaji:

Urusai: shut up.
Ugoku na: don't move.
Ari-gane zenbu yokose: give me all your money.

The most important thing with communication in an unfamiliar language is don't be afraid of making mistakes. Besides, if you're brandishing a katana or a pointed stick or similar, I daresay your victim will get the idea.

Use it wisely, folks!

you best not jest when you talking neyagawa, fool.
RE: Brian Harvey.

i found this rhyme posted on a friends website. Posted under the name of Brian Harvey, I doubt it was posted by Brian himself!

Whats the fuss,
death brushed, got crushed.
Tried to kill myself
But the plan got bumrushed.
Just had a wank over all my past glories
Takin 12 pills bad tabloid stories.
I was that dude from East 17(a)
Now I got a job as a window cleaner.
No I fuckin aint and this shit is sick,
I can't climb the ladder coz im paraplegic.

I admit it. I wrote it!


Dude, if you're aspiring to write poetry you should try for two things.

1. Slightly more tasteful subject matter.

2. Any poetic talent whatsoever.

I'm sure that if Brian Harvey had read that he would've gotten very angry.
Brian would've got very angry not would've gotten very angry.

What are you teaching your children?


You're talking out of your vast arse, you bad knob.
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