Wednesday, May 04, 2005

 

Hot place in a handbasket

So I filled in an internet questionnaire tonight which told me I was going to Hell (pretty presumptuous, if you ask me.)

Test your own immortal soul by clicking on this link (be warned, there's no margin for error and this guy doesn't spare your feelings,) or, if you don't want to hear about your impending damnation, you can check out the questions with my revised answers below.

QUICK 8-QUESTION TEST

1. Have you ever told a lie?
Ahem... no??? (looks shifty)

2. Have you given money to charity?
Door-to-door, bungee jump and public indecency- good enough for you, God botherer?

3. Have you gone to church regularly?
Define "regularly."

4. Have you ever stolen anything (no matter how small)?
I'm typing these answers on a computer mainly constructed from parts my flatmate still doesn't know his computer is missing.

5. Have you ever used "God," "Jesus," or "Christ," as a curse word? (Example: "Oh my G-d!")
Hell, no...

6. Have you made it a practice to read the Bible regularly?
Define "Bible."

7. Have you ever looked at someone and had lustful thoughts?
If you're seriously asking this question, you don't know me, you don't know men, and you don't know mankind.

8. Have you ever broken the first Commandment?
(Click here if you don't know what the first Commandment is.)
Absolutely not- a God who advertises on the internet is definitely #1 in my book.

Disclaimer: it is not my intention to cause offence to any religious groups, but whoever wrote the questionnaire at http://www.needgod.com is, in my opinion, a tool.

Comments:
g-dless troglodyte
 
define "tool". An instrument of god's will perhaps? Used for weeding out the heathens...
 
Tool (n)
A person who is a tool. The fucking tool.
 
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