Sunday, April 03, 2005


Le Pape est mort, vive le Pape

So, it turns out that the incumbent Pope has expired, which, to the aspiring job seeker, gives a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. So, without further ado, let's check out my credentials as a prospective pontiff:

Application for Papal position
Vatican form ref VF/PAPACY666

Name: Daniel McKeown

Knowledge of Latin: Zip. Unless you count what I learned from Asterix comics.

Knowledge of the Bible: It's a book.

Belief in God: Nope. I do believe in safe sex, though.

Stance on abortion: Emphatically pro: including up to 30 years post-natal in some cases.

Opinion of The Da Vinci Code: It's utter crap.

Regular Sunday activities: Whoring my soul to Satan in an eikaiwa.

Tie breaker- in no more than 10 WORDS, tell us why you should be Pope: Indecent exposure, petty larceny, possession with intent to supply.

I'll be waiting by the phone until the Vatican gets back to me. This could be the break I've been holding on for.


you're perfect for the job, asshole. you hate jews and like to expose yourself to little boys. you're pope material for sure. --vend or die
I don't hate Jews.

I do hate Daie. Those pedagogues sold me a pair of shorts yesterday, which then ripped first time I fell over at football last night. Then they refused to give me refund or exchange when I took them back today, even though I pointed out that these were sports shorts and sportsmen are generally expected to fall over once in a while. My Daie boycott starts here.
Oh, I having refuted the Jew-hating allegation, I just realised that I neglected to refute the little-boy-exposure allegation.

I don't expose myself to little boys. Or girls.
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