Saturday, April 23, 2005


It's Saint George's Day

And I celebrated by springing the offside trap, rounding the Austrian goalkeeper and firing the ball past the covering defender (German) with my left foot. Yoshi!

My team lost 4-1 for the record.

When I got home, however, Mike put a complete dampener on my spirit. Upon being informed that it was Saint George's day, he responded, as only an American could, by asking who Saint George was. I replied that he was "the patron saint of England, bitch,"

Unfortunately, the above is pretty much as far as my knowledge of Saint George goes, so I was unable to bore the hell out of my transatlantic ignoramus of a flatmate with a pageant of Georgiania. Therefore, I resolved to do some research so that I'll be able to do it when Muku gets back from work.

One impressive fact is that Saint George is also the patron saint of Georgia, something I was previously unaware of. Even more impressive though is the fact that he killed a Dragon! (That's right, I said "fact.") Some of my sources mooted the possibility that the Dragon could be regarded as a metaphor for Paganism, the Devil, or some other crap. However, I am firmly convinced that it was genuinely a Dragon, and at least 15 metres long with huge, scaly wings and fiery breath.

And Saint George kicked its head in, leading me to believe that Saint George may have looked something like this:

Optimus Prime, son!

Optimus Prime, son!

This ground-breaking theory, I believe, accounts for all of the perceived "exaggeration" surrounding the story of Saint George. The cold, hard truth is this: when you're a robot truck with a laser rifle, there's very little that you can't achieve.

Muku's going to be most impressed with my historical knowledge when he gets home.

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