Sunday, January 09, 2005



What did I actually do in Canada?

Glad you asked.

ATE. I can't capitalise those letters enough. A-T-E. From the magnificent salmon on the first night to the excellent roast beef on my final night, I sampled the very best of cuisine at the Ballacheys', various pubs and restaurants, and one dodgy doss-hole run by a sullen Vietnamese.

DRANK. No explanation necessary here.

Played the beer game, which requires a crate of Kokanee and at least two hardened drinkers. Each bottle of Kokanee has the statistics of one ski resort on the back (eg. Whistler Blackcomb, Powder King, etc.) These stats are: year opened, vertical (in metres), snowfall (in cm), number of runs. Whoever draws the bottle with the most impressive stats is the winner. Both beers are then consumed and the game is played again with fresh beers. Heather kicked my butt at this. Powder king's stats stink out loud, for the record.

Saw in New Year at a party full of people from Heather's English conversation school. Had immense fun confusing Japanese students by using Osaka-ben where possible, the peculiar Japanese dialect which makes no sense to anyone from outside Osaka.

Stayed in a cabin by Lake Harrison for two nights. Fantastic scenery (mountains, trees, the occasional errant cougar) and bitingly cold winds. Very Canadian. Apparently, the Lake itself is home to the white sturgeon, a fish which, according to the tourist signs we read, grows up to 7 metres long and weighs as much as a bull. Heather visibly shuddered when we read about this.

Walked around Vancouver's scenic Stanley Park and beheld glowing mountains of sulphur. I kid you not.

Went to the Museum of anthropology at UBC; a great place for any connoisseur of totem poles or other cultural artefacts.

Drove, earning much praise from Heather for my consistent and skillful use of the handbrake ("Jesus Christ, why can't you just leave that frigging thing alone?")

Rode a toboggan down the Ballacheys' driveway on my last day. Four metres of white-knuckle, gently-sloping mayhem.

Did I mention that I ATE?

There'll be more fulsome detail when I get my films developed.

One thing you didn't mention...

The New Year's Day Brunch! How could you forget the roasted Alberta cow, wild mushroom ravioli and the chocolate fountain?!

Otherwise, excellent work. :)
I may have mentioned, in passing, that I ATE. And ATE and ATE and ATE,,,
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